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Information

My name is plainer than jane.
I am 19 years old.
I'm from everywhere.
I love
music
love
movies
dogs
jasmin tea
piercings
tattos
books
candles
art
latte
♥him...blake:)


friends

  • glendada
  • tralala
  • hampan
  • syahir


    • talk



    stuff

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    Friday, October 27, 2006
    clarity















    maybe the only solution is to quit the band.
    well, not solution but like, it's the only reasonable thing to do.

    what i plan to do is to get alex alone
    and talk to him.

    i'll start by saying, i'm quitting the band.

    hopefully he'll ask why?

    if not then...i'll justcontinue:
    i can't work with someone that can't communicate with me on what he really feels about the music we're producing. i need to work with someone that will be truthful and willing to help. i know i am only an okay singer. i never thought i was all that great. but i don't need someone in my band telling other people that i suck. i can't work with someone that gets pissed when they are not told beforehand that we're doing original songs, blaming me for putting them at risk of embarrassment when that same person embarrassed me all the same. he played me like a fool. and i can't work with that. i don't want to be the one holding everyone back. so i'm quitting.

    i don't know what his reaction will be. sometimes i think he's a sociopath. he has no conscience. he has no sense of responsibility. all he knows is himself and what he wants. he doesn't care. he has problems. enough problems i guess. what am i doing?? i'm still making excuses for him. i guess...in a way, i feel like my problems, no matter how big to me, is miniature compared to his? the devil's advocate.

    strange thing is...i still want desperately to be his friend. i don't give up on friends. hardly ever. it's hard for me i guess, when you suddenly have to lose a friend who you thought was one of your closest for 7 months. then, you start to wonder... was i ever his friend? was i ever good enough to be his friend? i cared about him so much. maybe when i told him i like him, he took me for granted. and the shit hits the fan. some shit that was. i dont' know him well. i want to know him more. maybe curiosity is driving me. maybe the only reason i want him to be my friend was becuase of curiosity. i want to know his past. i want to know the root of his problems. i want to be important to him. i want to be the one he spills his guts to. i want to feel important.

    it all comes down to ourselves. phil is ever so right.

    plainer than jane [ 9:10 am ]